Z At first I thought the government wanted to ban Tictac to combat sugar addiction. Es ging leider um Tiktok. A Tiktok ban would put me out of work.
Here in Hall 4, everyone is staring like crazy at their cell phones during the breakfast break and absentmindedly nibbling on their sandwiches. Ahmet even mistook the sandwich for his smartphone and bit the bullet on his Apple. No surprise, because social media doesn’t exactly turn us into intelligent beasts.
“Ahmet, you won’t believe what’s in the newspaper,” I shouted, scaring my poor buddy who is locked up in cell phone prison.
“Osman, the really incredible thing is that today there is still a human being News on paper reads, like you,” he countered scornfully.
“Ahmet, you know that’s how I earn my money,” I replied, not entirely without pride.
It started when our two new apprentices saw me in the break room with a newspaper and thought I was an AI-powered 3D hologram
“No one without money would hold a piece of paper like that in front of their face,” he laughed.
For three months now, I’ve stopped working on the assembly line and instead sit in the break room for eight hours and pretend to read the newspaper.
Every day, different school classes marvel at me because I can look at a newspaper. Master cattle driver hopes to solve his youth problem in Hall 4.
It started when our two new apprentices saw me in the break room with a newspaper and thought I was an AI-powered 3D hologram visually representing the breakfast rooms of car factories 3,000 years ago.
“What funny thing does he have in his hand, Digga?” asked Mette-Marit.
“What are you asking me, Digga?” said Kasper-Justin and immediately banged on his cell phone. “It’s a newspaper,” he cheered.
“Newspaper? What is that?” asked his friend Digga.
“An invention of Jesus.”
“No, he crashed a cruise ship into a mountain and saved two dinosaurs.”
I was really impressed that the kids knew words like newspaper, Jesus and, if they were lucky, Noah’s Ark.
Then Mette-Marit discovered the surveillance camera on the top left of the ceiling.
“Great, the hologram is being streamed live. But I can’t find anything.” He immediately typed on his cell phone and proudly shouted: “It’s done, Digga! I hacked the camera above. Now everyone can view the hologram.”
The next day three school classes came to admire me, the last Mohican with the newspaper.
“Can you touch the hologram, Digga?” a student asked, grabbing my nose.
“The Japs have brothels full of hologram brides,” said his Digga, an international brothel expert.
“This one is an Ötzi, Digga. The Ötzi Turk,” another smart guy quoted from Tiktok. “He came along 2,000 years ago ’on a moped to Vienna to conquer. I’ll post that.”
I was amazed at the incredible knowledge the young people had accumulated thanks to Tiktok. It’s just that the dates and names aren’t always exactly correct.