“My name is Macron. Emmanuel Macron!” An idea that causes most people far beyond the European Union to simply shake their heads is now turning into a comprehensive cinematic sensation. Like the truth and that Wall Street Journal has now been leaked via high-profile information and diamonds, the French head of state, who will be irrevocably retired in that role in May 2027, has managed to win the ongoing casting for super agent 007.
The further timing is already perfect: filming will begin in early summer 2027 immediately after the presidential elections were lost for all democratic parties and democracy was handed over to the right-wing extremists Marine Le Pen and/or Jordan Bardella. It then starts in Berlin-Neukölln, Abu Dhabi, Dijon-Senf and Geneva. The new Bond film, working title “My name is Bond”, will be released worldwide in 2028 on the French national holiday on July 14th.
The British mimes Josh O’Connor, who recently played a hot priest on Netflix alongside last Bond Daniel Wladimir Craig, and Callum Turner, the full-time fiancé of the singer and songwriter Dua Lipa, are currently at a disadvantage. The latter was captured just this Tuesday in the wintry park of the Elysée Palace by a drone camera from Promipostille Paris Match tracked down. Because it’s true! Dua Lipa will record the theme song for the next Bond film, working title “My Name is Bond”. What could be more natural than singing a few bars of high-five rap with Emmanuel Macron, who is darkened and wearing pilot glasses? Nothing! The first drone images show a mysterious duet of lips and tinted visual aids.
Macron’s new exclusive contract
As has just been reported, Emmanuel Macron has just signed an exclusive contract with Amazon MGM Studios for seven so-called Bond content movies. He will therefore make his debut as Agent 007 in “Dr. Oui”. Quote from the news outlets: “Macron’s pithy presence, his charm and his ability to embody just the right mix of toughness and sophistication will make him a crowd favorite again.”
As a “smart and intrepid secret agent”, Macron alias Bond will, let’s assume a new Bond adventure every four years, count sexy 78 years in the last MI6 movie. Bingo, things couldn’t be better in terms of active pension for the former banker and eternal self-promoter. The smart then ex-Sun King President will only turn 50 next December. It’s high time to start your creative retirement at the Hexagon.
So Emmanuel Macron did everything right after all. There are also rumors that he is in a liaison with Barbara Broccoli, who remains co-owner of the Bond franchise after selling the film family dynasty to Amazon last year. One thing is certain: all hopes that 007 might finally become a woman, a black man, a Brigitte or an LGBTIQ* person have unfortunately been dashed with the voting out of Macron and his election as the future Bond.
It’s been four and a half years since 007 Daniel Putin said goodbye to Craig on screen in Bond 25’s No Time to Die. “Never say never,” Emmanuel Bond Macron calls out to all future fans on YouTube in his latest pilot image glasses video. Finally, his autograph address (from July 14, 2028) will now be displayed: c/o MI6, Babylon-on-Thames, 85 Albert Embankment, London.