F This year I have two things planned for me: New eyes and my novel. Because the second project is so damn much work, I’ll take care of the first one first. And if things go wrong, the novel thing will, well… Now some people will ask themselves: Why is she doing this? In his early 40swithout a modeling contract. I can understand. For others I often find this kind of thing unnecessary. I found a good friend of mine adorable even before his hair transplant. And a friend before her bleaching. Both of them like me with glasses.
“I’m missing something without glasses,” my friend recently said, and I was almost offended. But maybe he has a point. Because if you choose the right glasses, you almost look smart – which can be an advantage in my job. At least when I was still going for 16, it would have been worth the white gold encasing its frame. “Did someone send the intern again?” was a sentence that I often missed, even though I wasn’t wearing glasses at the time. Nonetheless, I’m just not the glasses type.
If I created an avatar of myself: He wouldn’t wear glasses. Okay, he would also have nice, ladylike thumbs and could also place the chocolate curse on anyone who came across him stupidly, so that whenever the person ate chocolate they would immediately have to run to the toilet and shit really hard. But you should be happy with what the gene pool has given you, and in my case that is now minus 3 in one eye and almost minus 4 in the other eye.
“I don’t even know where you got that,” my mother said on the phone the other day. Yes, unless you happened to be in bed with John Lennon – ¯\_(ツ)_/¯? Although that would have been a rather stupid idea if you didn’t want to feed children with glasses on their noses and books under their arms, as my parents liked to emphasize. But here I am! It’s just that my Game Boy addiction didn’t ruin my eyesbut journalism. So keep your eyes open when choosing a career, or better yet, close your eyes.
When I’m done with this, I’m going to submit the bill for my new eyes to John Lennon’s heirs. Never paid alimony! There are free cookies for this in the waiting room of the laser center, where I am currently waiting for the drops for the eye fundus measurement to start working. They are all very nice here. Almost like a luxury spa. I’ve had a number of eye tests and now I’m waiting for the doctor’s verdict. Will they be able to laser my eyes – or not?
The woman across from me is extremely nervous and a bit grumpy. Is she afraid of the procedure? Or is she dissatisfied with the result and wants to make improvements? Then finally my doctor turns the corner and picks me up. “Your eyes are suitable for laser correction,” she says happily, and I feel as if I have made it to the next round on GNTM. Euphoric, I make an appointment for the coming week. But at home I have doubts that even various podcasts can’t dispel. Because even if something rarely goes wrong, some people complain about side effects afterwards.
It’s clear! Dr. Google is always a stupid idea, but losing its evil eye because of vanity alarms would be even worse. I’ll let the whole thing sink in for now and get a second opinion.