D January isn’t even over yet, here they are good intentions almost forgotten. After two weeks in the gym, Felix catches me lying lazily on the couch, aimlessly flicking through Netflix-Disney-HBO and stuffing myself with greasy chips instead of eating miles on the treadmill.
“What about exercise, healthy eating and Boycott US corporations?” asks my friend from the future and takes the bag of chips from my hand.
“Let’s do something!” he suggests.
“No desire.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
“Everything’s going on! Weather, world situation, what-do-I-know. I just can’t get myself together.”
“We’ll see about that.” Felix grabs my phone and takes a photo of me. Very unflattering from below and with chip residue in the neckline. “If you don’t get up right now, I’ll post the picture on Insta.”
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I jump up. “Are you crazy?” I quickly grab the phone and delete the photo.
Felix grins. “You’ve already managed to get off the couch. If you accompany me on a walk, I’ll tell you how we managed to tame our inner bastard in the long term in 2126.”
I won’t let anyone tell me that twice. During the – admittedly – beautifully snow-covered winter walk, he begins to say: “Everyone knows the battle against the weaker inner self. And if you lose it again and again, it can become a real problem: Today, many people hardly leave their homes anymore. They live and work at home, hang out on the Internet all day and only order food from the delivery service. It is becoming increasingly difficult for them to go out and make social contacts or fulfill other unpleasant everyday obligations.”
“I know: I used to talk on the phone a lot more. Today I write Better ten messages before I call once.“
“Then you can also imagine that this will get even worse in the future. To solve this problem, we have the professional branch of Tamodi coaches. Popularly also called pig-dog tamers. Together with you, they develop unpleasant consequences that you hate so much – Latin go there – that you feel compelled to do the things that you would have preferred to avoid before: go to the gym, finally finish the book, etc do the tax return.“
“And what does the coach do then?”
“He might throttle your internet connection, turn off your hot water or tell on you to your mother.”
“How mean!”
The fresh snow crunches under our feet as Felix continues talking. “Yes! And it is precisely regulated in the contract. During the consultation, we analyze what triggers you the most and which escalation levels work best. For you, I could imagine a three-stage plan: Missed an appointment at the gym: The Tamodi coach reveals to your neighbor that you stole her branded jeans from the clothesline. Skipped the second time: The Tamodi coach sends troublemakers to your reading who chat the whole time. And the third time a handball team comes along After training to drink two crates of beer at your place without a shower.”