“Dr. med. au. Kröger, dentist with passion,” is written on the brass sign on a gazebo in the well-kept Westphalian allotment garden colony “Zur Schöne Aussicht”, where Julius Kröger practices as an amateur dentist.
“The ‘au’ stands for self-taught,” explains the stocky man in his mid-forties, whose real name is Rainer Bertz and who works at the saw in a hardware store. The passionate hobbyist taught himself dentistry through self-study. “I watched tutorial videos on YouTube and often watched the famous scene with the dentist’s drill from the film ‘The Marathon Man’,” explains the hobbyist proudly and asks us to take a seat in the treatment chair. In the midst of shovels and rusty picks, which are hopefully only used for root tip resections in the ground, there is actually an antique dentist’s chair from the 1950s.
“I shot it on eBay,” explains the self-made doctor proudly, running his fingers over the shiny chrome tools. “However, I much prefer drilling with my Hilti.”
Since a lobby group with the misleading name “Wirtschaftsrat der CDU” suggested that the legally insured rabble should pay their horrendous dental bills themselves, people have been looking for cheaper alternatives to the expensive dentistry provided by professionals. Could cheap cosplay dentists meet expensive cosplay politicians’ demands for healthcare cost reductions?
Zahnripper and Bader
Rainer Bertz, who himself is a second-degree tooth fairy in the role-playing guild of Tooth Rippers and Bathers, estimates that there are around 2,000 non-academic dentists nationwide who work without a license, but like “Dr. Julius Kröger” with a wig, sunglasses and under a false name. “But the number of unreported cases is much higher,” he suspects. “Or have you ever had your dentist show you a diploma?”
We shake our heads until the doctor pushes a hard plastic bridle between our jaws. Now we try to scream for help, but Bertz’s 15-year-old daughter Pia-Cheyenne, who takes on the role of the bored assistant, has already rammed the suction hose from the garden department deep down our throats.
“I have fulfilled a real childhood trauma here,” the former panic patient chatters down our protest like a real dentist. “I even became a member of a reading group.” In fact, during the long wait in the tool shed we were allowed to browse relevant magazines such as Yachtthe real estate magazine Bellevue and Focus Money browse.
“31 ob, 41 zst, hit sunk,” whispers the fake dentist, deceptively real-sounding findings that his “consultation assistant” just as skillfully ignores. “Don’t worry,” he reassures us, “I practiced for a long time on pig teeth from the slaughterhouse before I sat relatives in my chair. I especially owe a lot to my grandmother.”
Their portraits adorn the walls of the garden house practice as tasteful black and white photos, but have also caused a sensation on social networks. Sometimes the old lady’s huge tusks protrude from her face, sometimes she wears perforated stainless steel sheets in her mouth or jacket crowns made of oak veneer. “Back then I also worked a lot with plywood,” explains the artistically ambitious do-it-yourselfer about the extravagant denture creations, which he also sells online as DIY kits. He has a whopping “50K followers” on Tiktok, as Bertz proudly reports in the influencer industry jargon. Only the films of a clerk from Riesa, who dilettantees as a cosmetic surgeon to her friends after work, attract even more attention.
But the friendly craftsman has no intention of making a profit; he offers his services out of “altruism and a touch of sadism,” as he mischievously says. Perhaps eccentric idealists like Bertz are the salvation of cash-strapped patients who are already having to pay extra everywhere even without the CDU disruption.
“I will repair your teeth at cost price,” promises the hobby dentist and anesthetizes us with a magnum bottle of laughing gas. When we awaken, we can enjoy huge deer antlers that seem to be firmly anchored in our lower jaw. However, “Dr. Julius Kröger” had warned us that his artistic interest now lies in natural materials and objets trouvés, which he stages in a completely new way in exciting contexts.