Modern dating is making a lot of young singles feel defective. Almost all the advice out there starts with the same assumption: There is something wrong with you. Work out more. Earn more money. Heal your inner child. Looksmaxx. Optimize every inch of your face and body and life to finally be lovable. Become the best product on the market.
There’s big business behind this, too. Download more dating apps, then pay for premium. Take a course on upgrading your profile. Take another on your attachment style. Talk to a life coach. Invest in therapy. Try skin care routines, hair transplants, and cosmetic surgery. Of course, people have always worked on themselves to attract partners, but it’s beginning to feel as if love is for the best object, as if marriage is for whoever spends the most time marketing themselves. And if dating isn’t working out, well, you must be faulty somehow.
But is it always so personal? What if there’s nothing wrong with who you are, but something wrong with where you are?
The Institute for Family Studies (IFS) has launched a new interactive Marriage Map of where adults between the ages of 22 to 39 are getting married in the United States. It shows that young adults do face different odds depending on where they live. For example, among those who want to get married at a younger age, defined as 22 to 29, the highest marriage rates are in Utah, Kansas, Nebraska, Tennessee, and Kentucky. The lowest are in big coastal cities like New York City and Los Angeles, where marriage rates rise only later, among adults in their 30s.
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