If you have given birth in America in recent years, you have surely participated in a conversation that sounds like this: One mom mentions she’s tired; another says she hasn’t slept through the night since March; the third says she has been up four times a night since the day her son was born, and now he’s 3 years old. None of them sleep train. And none of them has spent a night away from home in a hotel bed with an eye mask on and a “Do Not Disturb” sign on the door. Even if they secretly want to, they won’t risk it, in case their absence messes with their child’s emotional regulation and causes some vague kind of trauma in the years to come. You can’t trust a babysitter, because they don’t love your kid as much as you do. Grandma is miles away, probably on a cruise. And you can’t count on your husband, who isn’t fluent in the cult of helicopter parenting, because he might put the TV on, or hand the toddler a slice of pizza and let bedtime slide to 9 p.m. He might even forget to use the fluoride-free toothpaste.
I’ve heard all of this before. So earlier this week, when the internet exploded over a mother asking whether she should leave her kids to go away for the weekend with friends, I knew what was going on.
It all began with an anonymous post on X, which I will quote in full, because it is so profoundly representative of the problem with the intensive parenting model that prevails in the 2020s:
My friend wants to plan a couples, no-kids weekend getaway, splitting the cost of a large Airbnb, in January for her 30th birthday. I really do not love this idea (husband is mortified), neither to spend the money nor to get someone to take the toddler for 3 days. It would be a 2.5 hour drive away for us, too, so it’s not like we’re close if something happens. I haven’t been away from him for even one night yet and he still just seems so young! It would be very hard to leave him for that long.
Am I just a party pooper who needs to get over it? Genuine question. Like I actually need advice here guys.
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